"It's a dangerous business, going out your front door. You step onto the road and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." (JRR Tolkien)
Officially this year marks the end of my years at college. I will hopefully be passing my exams and going to university and that can only end in me growing up and getting a real job. I am terrified.
School and college have been some of the best (and easiest) years of my life. It's slightly worrying to see how much I have changed in that time. Definite 'growing-up' has gone on and it would actually be a lie for me to say I feel I haven't changed. Some parts have improved and others deteriorated but that's unavoidable. I've learnt a lot academically and realised a bit about myself, which is always a good thing ultimately. I now know what I want to do with myself in most aspects of my life. In a way I can't wait to get onto that but I am a bit of an old woman and this sort of change is a little scary. Hence the LotR quote at the start.
I thoroughly enjoyed my education and don't like the idea of leaving it for the real world. I was thinking today how far I could draw out my university years. My BA degree will take three years, then a Master's, if I could do one, would be another year and I have no idea how long it takes to get a Doctorate. I doubt I could fund that sort of thing, unless I won the lottery, so will have to come to terms with the fact I only have three years left before I am released into society, hopefully with a degree and hopefully with a plan.
I will miss my friends. We're going to university, not prison, so although I know this isn't a complete goodbye, it still will never be quite the same for us again. I acquired a group of people over the years so socially awkward themselves that they accepted me and we had some very good times. I know I will keep in contact with my close girl friends but my more extended group are going to all sorts of places and it's less likely our paths will cross.
At times we were a motley crew but I loved them all unconditionally and I know they would put up with me whatever I did. My boyfriend is going to a far off university too and I try not to think about how that will turn out. More cheerily though, we have a whole summer together before we leave and have lots of plans. I am looking forward to what happens and whatever happens it's been tons of fun so far.
I'm just hoping I can fit what I need in my suitcase for uni. So far I have everything except the kitchen sink on a list of stuff I need. I am a worrier and therefore want to be ready for every eventuality. I'm pretty sure this is impossible but I will give it a good try. Chances are, I'll forgot something stupid - like my toothbrush. I have the whole summer to get ready though.
I am rather excited!