Don't Think Too Much

"Don't think too much - you'll create a problem that wasn't even there in the first place.."

I worry too much. This is why you will often find me in tears on the eve of exams or stressing out over the more mundane aspects of my life. I find it hard to make decisions at times as I don't want to make a mistake. My most recent life choice was picking my university. I wonder if I picked the right one. I think how if I had gone to a different university, I would have met a whole different group of people and what if I'm just missing out on what could be a future close friend, or a boyfriend, because I picked the wrong university? The littlest thing can make a massive difference to your life. I am not good at just going with the flow.

I also think my expectations of everything (and everyone) are too high. I read too many fantasy books in my childhood for normal life to ever quite please me. Sometimes I wonder if it's my expectations that are wrong though, or if I just haven't found the right people to meet them. Often I expect too much from myself as well. I agonise over things I've done a long time after the other person has probably forgotten about it. I over-analyse and overcomplicate. These are, I would say, my greatest faults. If I just chilled out a bit, I think I'd be happier. This is easier said than done.

My greatest hobby is writing fiction and I think it is from this that stems my ridiculous urge to order my life. I wish everything could be as clear cut as a novel, where every symbol has meaning and you can stick in a little pathetic fallacy to make sure every element is in concurrence with what's going on. Unfortunately, life isn't like that.  

Nobody and nothing is perfect and I need to remember this more often. I sometimes overlook positive things, when stressing on the negative. Generally, I have a disgustingly easy and happy life. Although at times this lead me to stress that I will squander the good things I have. I have a close family, good friends, a boyfriend, a job, a decent house, I am healthy, not unattractive, not stupid, and am looking forward to an almost certain entry to university to study something I love. I would have to work hard to not get in, I think. Nothing is ever quite certain though and this again stresses me out. In some ways, life's capriciousness is exciting, but I defend my right to dislike it if I want.

I do not believe in fate or destiny. I do believe that the universe is not out to get me though, so I hope if I work at it and have a little bit of luck, I can get through life without messing it up too much. Although I worry so much, I never feel that a situation is irredeemable so I hope I haven't depressed anyone with this entry. I know I am very silly. We should all try to take things less seriously. It's never as bad as you think.