Meh.

Meh is a small word with a lot of meaning. 

I feel very meh right now. I'm not quite upset, and haven't the energy to be angry, but I'm not happy and can't be bothered to do anything to cheer myself up in the near future. There's not really anyone or anything I can precisely blame my current state on and that is frustrating. It's a sort of culmination of things and I don't know what to do about them. All I want to do is stare at a wall without thinking about anything apart from how boring the wall is.

I should probably do some revision but every time I start to do something, I just trail off and go back to looking into the distance without taking anything in. I decided to write this blog post and share my mehish state. It's pitifully short but I haven't the attention span to make it longer. I think I'll take a nap instead. 

Your Heart is My Piñata

"Your Heart is my Piñata" (Chuck Palahnuik)

I study English Literature and the A2 part of my course is Love Through The Ages. For this reason, I found myself looking up quotes about romantic love for the exam and found some that are so true it is hilarious to read them. My personal favourite is the title of this blog post. I just have to clarify, no one's heart is my piñata - my heart is most definitely their piñata. I probably mind about that less than I should.

I will shamelessly admit that usually I adore this topic. There aren't many courses where your homework is to have an in-depth look at the library scene in Atonement - you know which one I mean. I had to go have a lie down after reading that. Sometimes though, it can hit a little too close to home when you see yourself reflected in a character. It makes you take a little look at yourself and what you're doing and wonder if it's really in your own, or the other person's, interest. A classic example of me reading too much into everything.

I am obsessed with quotes. It's a talent I have, that I can basically recite quite a lot of poetry, the majority of songs I like and whole sections from my favourite movies and books. In some ways it's a little pathetic. One of the best quotes I found for my course was: "Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams" (Dostroyevsky). It is so disgustingly true. Fiction, or at least the sort you read and watch pre-teenage, does not prepare you for a real-life relationship. A long time before I managed to find myself a boyfriend I had a very well thought out picture of what he should be like. Of course, he was not like that. Generally you find they are better than you imagine, mainly because they are real. A real guy wanting to sit and watch daytime TV with you or go buy his weekly shopping in your company is so much better than any imagined declarations of undying love and deliveries of roses. Although I would not object to some roses.

Fellows like Keats declared how "love is my religion - I could die for it", but really, what does he mean? The word love gets bandied about a lot and everyone has a slightly different opinion on the whole issue. It can all get a little silly. "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence" according to Mencken and I think that is probably true. For some reason, despite being piñata-ed about a bit, we keep on coming back for more. It's human nature - and has definite perks.

Substitute For Life

"The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life." (Andrew Brown)

The internet is definitely an addiction. Apparently admitting an addiction is the first step to overcoming it but I doubt this particular addiction will subside anytime soon.

I sometimes wish I didn't spend so much time rotting in front of my laptop but my life is too linked to the internet to change that without a serious overhaul. In my defence, I do most of my college work on the laptop and it is infinitely faster to look up a fact on the internet than leafing through a book - although most of the facts are most likely wrong. My greatest hobby - writing - is done on the internet, here on my blog and on fanfiction. I talk to my friends on Facebook and find out what's going on with them by their statuses before they even tell me. I generally email my teachers rather than go search for them in reality. I even message my sister online sometimes when she's sitting on the computer in the other room and I don't feel like a walk.

Working on this trajectory, it won't be long until I end up like the characters in Wall-E.

 

Of course, the internet has manifest good points. Freedom of information and education and all that. Facebook represents some of the best and worst of the internet's gifts. It helps people stay in touch and as I'll be off to university this year I will honestly be using it to keep in contact with those left behind in Bexhill, and those who have decided to travel to places as barbaric as Scotland. However, Facebook shouldn't be used to replace human contact and physical interaction. It gives a voice to so many people who really should not possess that privilege.

This concept of guys and girls with over 2,000 Facebook friends is a little odd. I have 120 friends. I don't think I even know 2,000 people and I doubt those guys do either. The trend is to subscribe to someone who will then give you 500 friends or some such. This is not normal. These types of people are the ones who get "OMG UR SO HAWT!!" commented on their profile pictures, possibly from complete strangers. It doesn't give the person a normal view of themselves or the world.

I'm not saying I would object to a whole load of people telling me I am 'well fit' but the idea of a bunch of people I don't know judging me makes me uncomfortable. My photos are not staged for when I look at my best. And no, I am not just commenting "Aw, I look terrible" on a photo so a bunch of randoms will tell me how cute I really am. I do like compliments, but that is too far even for me.  

Something I don't really enjoy, but find curiously fascinating, is watching someone totally melt down on the internet. I am as prone as anyone to kicking off at someone, and I imagine if I had just been dumped I would also be sitting alone with ice cream and listening to Adele on repeat, but it is not good to do so publically on the internet. People aren't generally sympathetic to this; they just enjoy the idea that someone's life is even worse than their life currently is. If I ever do this, someone slap me. 

My laptop died recently. I have a bad habit of balancing it on the arm of my sofa and apparently it fell off one too many times. The thought of existing without my laptop appalled me. I could easy go borrow my parent's computer, but the idea of having to change my routine hurts me. To be honest, a bit of time without the computer to distract me would probably do wonders for my revision. I am also sure the world could do without my status updates. Much as it excites me, the fact I have a new green kettle, or how I'm having a wild weekend at home revising, is not something the world needs to know. It makes me happy though, so the world will just have to put up with it. That is the true gift of the internet. Aren't we all lucky.     

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

I just went to see Avengers Assemble and it was pretty awesome! The film is fairly predictable - you know the good guys will beat the bad guys - but I don't want to ruin it for anyone so please watch it before you read this. It does contain spoilers.

Firstly I need to point out that I know nothing about the comics (many people nearly stabbed themselves in the face when they found out I did not know the difference between Marvel and DC) so I had little in the way of preconceived ideas for the film to meet. There had been so much hype though that I expected it wouldn't meet this but I thoroughly enjoyed it and came away exhilarated rather than feeling cheated.  

There was a winning line up of cast who all made the characters entirely their own and no one's acting got on my nerves. I even liked the characterisation of Black Widow who managed to be more than the token female like I had feared. As for the leading men, the amount of testosterone shown, followed by the amount of bromance, was tons of fun.

It didn't take itself too seriously and there was some laugh out loud moments but it had bits that gave it enough depth to make it bearable. Plenty of things blew up and crashed into buildings, so I believe it had pretty good special effects, but I have more interest in the story, which was not too 2D and made reasonable sense.

Something I found fairly funny was the really obvious moments of reversal in the battles. You inevitably find in battle movies, the moment when the fight goes the way of the enemy and everything looks bleak for the hero - then there is the epic moment of reversal and the good guy wins. In this though, possibly because of the sheer number of heroes, it was so much more obvious. It was amusing to watch the battle go badly simultaneously for Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, and Hulk, and then watch the triumph of Thor, Iron Man, Captain America and Hulk. I'm not really complaining. Worse tropes can occur in films.

It was highly predictable and nothing happened to actually surprise me. Even the fairly main character death, although well done and touching, was something you could kind of see coming, especially when so much emphasis was put on the fact that guy had a first name that wasn't just 'Agent'. Iron Man's moment of almost-epic-sacrifice was predicted from the moment he was told he fought for himself not others and always had a way out. I would have been terribly disappointed if he hadn't proved himself like that.

Sometimes predictability is exactly what you want and I thought The Avengers did exactly what it said on the tin. It neither disappointed nor shocked me but it did make me laugh and want to cheer a little bit. I definitely liked it. Now I just hope they don't ruin it by making 25 sequels...  

  

All Work and No Play

"All work and no play makes blog posts rather boring"

The thing I am looking forward to more than anything about the end of exams is the chance to read a book. Any book. As long as it's a book that is not Arrian's Campaigns of Alexander or WL Warren's Henry II. I am craving some chicklit. I don't even like chicklit but right now I would rather read Mills and Boon than anything about historical things. I used to read history books for fun but there's nothing like a couple of months of exams to make you momentarily sick of the sight of them. 

On second thoughts, I need a day of Terry Pratchett. That man can cheer me up whatever else is happening. As far as escapism goes, you can't escape much further than Discworld, where the world is flat, held up by four elephants, who all stand on the back of a giant turtle which swims through space. His writing is hilariously funny - but not cruel funny - there's a real warmth to it which makes you feel all fuzzy and glad to be alive after reading. They also have some of the best quotes. "It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important. It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong." Pratchett doesn't just pretend to be profound, he means what he says and is truly unique, which is hard to find. "There are those who say that sherry should not be drunk early in the morning. They are wrong." I consider these lessons to live by. So if you get some free time, I recommend you read some Terry Pratchett.

You have no idea how glad I will be when I can ritually recycle my revision notes and just sit in the garden with a book and a nice cool drink during the summer. I'll have time to blog some more too. For those who thought they were rid of me, I apologise. I haven't gone away.        

Beautiful Blogger Award

 

I think this Beautiful Blogger Award is a very sweet idea. I am quite chuffed to be nominated as part of it and will send it on. Thank you for remembering me. Everyone's blog is beautiful in its own little way and it's nice to feel appreciated.

First, here are 7 facts about myself that I haven't mentioned before on this blog. I swore when I wrote this blog I would keep the more mundane aspects of my life off it but I'm taking this chance to air them out. I hope you can stay awake until the end of them.

1) I'm short. Sometimes I wish I was taller - like when I need to reach a higher shelf - but I rather like being small. It gives you a special perspective on life.

2) My middle name is Joy.  

3) I am 18 years old and still afraid of the dark. Anything could be lurking in the dark so I feel this fear is entirely rational. I hate the fact you can't see people's faces in the dark. It really freaks me out. It is not my only fear; others include heights and zombies. I would say these two are both rational as well and nothing you say will dissuade me.  

4) I prefer pen and paper to any other way of writing. I always type my work up on the computer but I can't start just looking at a blank computer screen. I need good old fashioned pen and paper.  

5) I hate liars. Partly this is because I am as gullible as they come.  

6) My worst habit is a tendency to overreact and cry inappropriately. I most definitely express my emotions. Even when I don't want to.       

7) I cannot cook.   

...

Now here are some of the blogs I read and enjoy in no particular order: 

http://stationery-pigeon.blogspot.com/ - This beautiful blogger nominated me but I wanted to nominate her too as her blog is so good and she's always so good to me.

http://tobeconfirmedtbc.blogspot.co.uk - This lovely lady's blog is all about films and she knows what she's talking about. I enjoy reading her expert opinion on them.

http://lightsoutwordsflow.blogspot.co.uk/ - Much as I don't want to inflate my friend's opinion of himself any more, I do want to nominate him as he is a rather good writer.

http://highlyamusingurl.blogspot.co.uk/ - This lady is entirely unique. You never know what she will post about next.

http://thegirlwiththegreenumbrella.blogspot.co.uk/ - This blogger wants to write at university and she's also my good friend.

http://seamstress-waffle.blogspot.co.uk/ - This lady nominated me too and I wanted to nominate her as I find her blog, especially the parts about re-enactments and the stuff she makes for them, really interesting.

http://thecraftguide.blogspot.com - I thought I'd advertise this blog as the stuff they make is pretty awesome and deserves some recognition.

This is what to do now:

Put down seven facts about yourself,

Link to the blog of the person who nominated you,

Link to seven bloggers who you think deserve the award,

Let these bloggers know,

Simple as that. xx

Stress is Nothing

"Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness" (Richard Carlson)

 

This month I will be doing my final 'A' Level exams. The stress is just starting to show. The results of these will determine my immediate future and I am beginning to panic. Every time a little thing goes wrong, I practically hit the roof. I only got a B in my English Mock and was depressed for the rest of the day, getting furious at my boyfriend and practically dumping him when he said something I didn't like over lunch. My parents seem to be avoiding me now too. I told my mum to shut up today and she said if I did that again she'd send me to bed with no dinner. I am not usually rude to my mother and don't plan to be again soon but I am interested to see how that would play out as I am now slightly bigger than her and not sure how she intends to keep an 18-year-old from their dinner.

I'm currently alone in the lounge, surrounded by a mess of papers. Filing is not my strong point and I keep losing things that I think will end up being crucial to my exams. I went shopping yesterday for some snazzy new pens and a crisp new writing pad, hoping this would inspire me to do some revision. Unfortunately, after I had decorated the front page and carefully divided the pad up, heading each section with my subjects, I had no time left to revise.

The stress-induced eating is also starting to become more pronounced. Not only has most of my lunch money gone on chocolate, but I fear I will soon have to buy some more leggings as I slowly creep up a dress size through comfort-eating.   

I think blogging will be put on hold, partly because I should be revising and partly because my soul has been sucked out so much by my work load that I haven't enough inspiration to fill a teaspoon.

If I survive, I will return.